Some little shit of a kid ("Torrey") punched my very own Bean in the stomach today. I think it was more game-gone-too-far than intent to really hurt, but still. He PUNCHED her. In the STOMACH. And it did hurt her, so much that she felt it in her throat. (I swear, give me one minute in a room alone with either or both of his parents, and I'll show them a punch they'll never forget. Oh wait... lead by example... damn. This parenting thing? Hard.)
We will be addressing it with her teacher tomorrow morning. A kid throwing unprovoked punches around in class is worth letting someone know about, I think. I will stand with her, but I want the words to come from her, so she'll be standing up for herself. I see the tears, after school, about a hurtful thing that happened... but I don't see enough indignation, enough HEY! I DIDN'T DESERVE THAT!. She doesn't like to make that kind of noise, but the little rotters of the school world are going to smell out that she won't say anything. I tell her she may never hit first, but she may always hit back, and if she gets in trouble for that it will not be with me. She'll never do it. But I want her to know she has my absolute support to be fierce in protecting herself.
After that happened, she went right to math class, where she is minding her own business, working on her line plot exercise, and a different little shit of a kid ("Grayson"... where do people come up with these names?) bends back a plastic ruler to use it to fling something at her, and of course it snaps into pieces. The Bean doesn't want to tattle so she lets him say they were both goofing around when it broke. Because they were sharing the ruler, they have to replace it. Naturally little Grayson says he won't. So the Bean's very upset because she doesn't want to give up her own ruler (which she wasn't using because she has math with the fourth graders and leaves her own class to go to theirs). Absolutely she will not give up her own ruler. I do wish she had spoken up at the time, but she's writing the teacher a note explaining what happened. Darling Grayson can figure out how to make up for his own behavior. The lesson for the Bean is that if you let yourself be talked into sharing the blame for something you didn't do, you will also be expected to share the consequences.
Third grade: not as easy as it looks.
I was outside hitting the heavy bag and my kid tells me, Dad let me show you and he sizzles punches with deadly power and speed. Firghtening to some one who doesn't scare of anything. He is a gentle boy of 19, but at that time I had to reinforce the idea that he must never hit first. For if he does someone goes to the hospital or morgue. His kick boxing lessons took. Big kids big worries, little kids little worries. You never stop worrying, you can only keep it in check.
ReplyDeleteThis is the part of parenting that I fucking hate. I SO want to be a "do as I say" person and not what I do. But, yes. Teaching her to stand up for herself is imperative. I worry all the time about my daughter. She has spent her first six grades in school at a tiny, very green, very diverse, very non-violent Montesssori school and next year she must leave (they only go to 6th grade) and start attending either public, private (school is right down the block but I can hardly stand all those BMWs in the parking lot) or parochial school. Talk about a shock to the system. I am letting her make the final decision and so far she is leaning towards the Catholic school a few blocks away. I can only imagine how this little girl with two mommies will fare there....ugh. So much to think about.
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