The girl in my Bean's kindergarten class who tried to get her to call another girl a dummy has struck again. What shall we call her? However apt, "that little bitch" seems harsh for a 5-year-old. For now we'll go with D.
Last night after bedtime, which which seems to be her moment for letting go anything that's making her sad, Bean told me that she'd been behind D. in the line for the bus after school, and D. pulled another girl in front of her, saying "sorry, but [other girl] is my friend, and you're not."
Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal. But my earnest, "I love everyone!" Bean thinks of all her classmates as friends until proven otherwise, not the other way around. She doesn't understand what she could have done to deserve such a pointed exclusion, and it stung her, hard. She thought she should now try harder to "show D. I am her friend," and wanted to invite D. over for a playdate to prove her worthiness.
It breaks my heart.
We talked about how it was not a nice thing that D. did. I rocked the sobbing Bean in my arms and told her that she doesn't have to try to be friends with people who are mean to her and to others; there are a lot of people to choose friends from, and maybe we'll wait to invite D. over until she isn't being so mean, because that's not the way friends are to each other. I felt her body relax as she agreed.
On hearing this little story, Mr. S. said of D., "that's an insecure child." He's right of course, but my fierce mommy self doesn't give the tiniest shit about D.'s insecurities. I just want her to leave my Bean the hell alone. And I want to smack her stupid mother. Where do girls this young learn to be this way? They mimic their cliquey bitch mommies and/or the crap they're allowed to soak up from television etc. Bratz, indeed.
Sigh. Maybe that's not fair. Hopefully it's just a phase that D. will grow out of. Unfortunately there will always be more where she came from.
The Bean is so wide open, emotionally. Her defense mechanisms just aren't formed yet. Her heart is right out there. I know she's going to have to learn to shrug off stuff like this; it just seems so soon to have to toughen up.
We can do it.
In the meantime, we're going to have nice friends over for some kick-ass playdates this week. I will squelch the part of me that (how shall we say?) really prefers not to be around most other people's offspring, and make it happen. Bean needs a boost, and she deserves to have fun with other good kids.
(Didn't we just have a school vacation? Oy.)