The girl in my Bean's kindergarten class who tried to get her to call another girl a dummy has struck again. What shall we call her? However apt, "that little bitch" seems harsh for a 5-year-old. For now we'll go with D.
Last night after bedtime, which which seems to be her moment for letting go anything that's making her sad, Bean told me that she'd been behind D. in the line for the bus after school, and D. pulled another girl in front of her, saying "sorry, but [other girl] is my friend, and you're not."
Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal. But my earnest, "I love everyone!" Bean thinks of all her classmates as friends until proven otherwise, not the other way around. She doesn't understand what she could have done to deserve such a pointed exclusion, and it stung her, hard. She thought she should now try harder to "show D. I am her friend," and wanted to invite D. over for a playdate to prove her worthiness.
It breaks my heart.
We talked about how it was not a nice thing that D. did. I rocked the sobbing Bean in my arms and told her that she doesn't have to try to be friends with people who are mean to her and to others; there are a lot of people to choose friends from, and maybe we'll wait to invite D. over until she isn't being so mean, because that's not the way friends are to each other. I felt her body relax as she agreed.
On hearing this little story, Mr. S. said of D., "that's an insecure child." He's right of course, but my fierce mommy self doesn't give the tiniest shit about D.'s insecurities. I just want her to leave my Bean the hell alone. And I want to smack her stupid mother. Where do girls this young learn to be this way? They mimic their cliquey bitch mommies and/or the crap they're allowed to soak up from television etc. Bratz, indeed.
Sigh. Maybe that's not fair. Hopefully it's just a phase that D. will grow out of. Unfortunately there will always be more where she came from.
The Bean is so wide open, emotionally. Her defense mechanisms just aren't formed yet. Her heart is right out there. I know she's going to have to learn to shrug off stuff like this; it just seems so soon to have to toughen up.
We can do it.
In the meantime, we're going to have nice friends over for some kick-ass playdates this week. I will squelch the part of me that (how shall we say?) really prefers not to be around most other people's offspring, and make it happen. Bean needs a boost, and she deserves to have fun with other good kids.
(Didn't we just have a school vacation? Oy.)
Don't blame the mom. There is an alpha girl just like D in our neighborhood, and she has acted like that since she was 5 years old. She's a teen now. Her mom is a perfectly nice person, her only fault being her complete blindness to what a b*tch her sweet little girl is.
ReplyDeleteYou're right -- I know it isn't fair to do that. For all I know D.'s mommy is working as hard as she can to temper her daughter's meanness.
ReplyDeleteI disagree. I say the mother (and okay...maybe the father too) have something to do with this. Liv has a friend named Constance whom she ADORES, yet C is forever saying things like, "I think we should agree not to talk to Maddie today, okay?" She says this in my PRESENCE. And yeah, I slap her down good and hard verbally. She blushes. She KNOWS this is wrong. The other day, she and Liv had a play date and she called. I answered and she said, "I am calling to tell Liv that I can't play after all because Violet called and I would rather play with her. Could you give Liv the message?" I asked to speak with her mother. The mother got on and when I relayed what Constance had just said, thinking SURELY the mother had no idea what had conspired, she just said, "Well, Constance prefers playdates at Violet's because they have a computer game that she really enjoys..."
ReplyDeleteBad manners are LEARNED.
I just want to hug your kid...
That's where I come down on it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe D.'s mother isn't a "cliquey bitch"... I'm probably projecting some of my own stuff there... but on the other hand, D. clearly isn't learning that it's not OK to be that way. And where she isn't learning it, is at home.
That's true whether her mother is "nice" or not.
Children can be horrible creatures and yeah, most times it is learned at home. Poor Bean.
ReplyDeleteComplete, complicit blindness is definitely blamable. I say we back over this rotten mother daughter duo in the parking lot. Tracking down the father may take longer (I suspect he is not effectively involved in the brat's parenting), but he should be targeted too.
ReplyDelete