Wednesday, June 18, 2008

unaccountably morose

I feel... bad. There's no real reason I should, but I do.

I'm tired, even though I get enough sleep. Any time I lie down, I can be near-comatose in moments. Except at bedtime, duh.

I've concluded that the dark circles under my eyes are permanent. Looking in the mirror isn't something I do on purpose any more. There isn't a concealer made that can fight this battle.

Yesterday was the last day of school. Summer looms ahead. Personalities like mine love structure, yet everyone loves summer because there isn't any. I am hopelessly unlike everyone else. It feels kind of like Christmas, when everyone goes around saying what fun everything is, and all I can do is count the days till it's over with, but I have to fake enjoying it, or at least shut up about not enjoying it.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I can't remember what I think is fun. It's as if the best mood I can hope for is indifference, and sometimes it's a struggle getting to that.

One of my phases I guess. They come and go. Thank God they always go.


  1. I get those sort of blues myself and I know how it sucks. Hang in there.

  2. I agree totally. I HATE summer and feel guilty that it is mostly because Liv is out of school and hanging all over me, all day long. I rarely work in the summer, too busy taking Liv to swim practice, to her play dates (and her friends all seem to be on the opposite side of the city from us) and to her various classes.

    My house never stays clean because Liv is always slamming around it with her friends, doing crafts projects.

    This makes me feel terrible, because I know that a GOOD MOTHER would love all of this....

  3. I feel your pain. Today was Boo's last day of preschool and summer yawns ahead of me and I'm just dreading it.

  4. Get your sorry butts over to GNC, pick up Glucosamine with SAMe, 39 bucks, bottle of Vit D 1000 IU, Bottle of B Complex Vits, bottle of Omega 3 Fish Oil. Take 2 of each for two weeks, get to sleep on time. Lay off the wine, go for a walk or bike ride everyday rain or shine, take your camera and find something to take a nice picture of , send an E Mail to all your friends and family, an not one that says--remember when mom gave you a bicycle for your birthday and I got underwear. And ferpetesake, stop worrying about how clean your house is, good grief there is far more to life than dust bunnies and dishes in the sink and sparkly toilet bowls